


when colchester met javic thane

by princessoftheworlds



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29270748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessoftheworlds/pseuds/princessoftheworlds
Summary: Colchester and Tyler finds themselves face-to-face with one Javic Thane; Colchester cannot tolerate him, but he doesn't expect the consequences of his actions.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Tyler Steele
Comments: 8
Kudos: 11





	when colchester met javic thane

**Author's Note:**

  * For [that_last_dance_of_chances](https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_last_dance_of_chances/gifts).



> Don't ask about this. A piece of crack inspired by Estelle and spurred on by the Big Finish Torchwood Discord. Thanks to Al for editing.
> 
> (Pretend this is set in some hybrid s5/s6 universe, but there are literally no spoilers in here.)
> 
> I'm sorry.

They’re chasing a Blowfish with a stolen vortex manipulator like Harkness’s through a narrow Cardiff alley, Colchester panting and sweating more than he would have ideally liked to on a Saturday morning, stolen from a lovely brunch with Colin. Steele, irritating man that he is, is not too far behind Colchester, but in an alley this size he might as well be in Scotland. 

“Cut the Blowfish off around the other end of the alley,” Colchester orders, voice gruff, “otherwise we’ll lose him.”

“I’m  _ trying, _ ” Tyler barks, but Colchester doesn’t glance back at him, gritting his teeth. “These trousers are too tight.”

“Millennials,” Colchester murmurs to himself and reaches for the gun holstered at his waist, hoping he can take down - or at least slow - the Blowfish with a bullet. He’ll likely only have a single chance.

But he doesn’t even get to try, because at that moment, there’s a bright flash of golden light, and Colchester ducks away to keep from being blinded. Even Steele, finally catching up to Colchester’s side, turns away.

When the glow begins to dim, Colchester glances over. And immediately wishes he hadn’t. For, stepping through the portal formed by the golden light, is Jack Harkness.

Well, it isn’t Harkness per se; it’s clearly a younger version of him, with softer features but still the same god-awful infuriating smirk. The Blowfish lies at his feet, a bullethole in its head, and Harkness is buckling its vortex manipulator to his other wrist.

Once done, he glances up and notices a gaping Colchester and Tyler, and gives them each an assessing, appreciative glance. His smirk widens. “Well, hello there,” he says. 

The smirk is enough to give Colchester the chills and knock him out of his stupor. He levels his gun at the younger Harkness. “Who are you?” he demands. “What business do you have here?” Though the immortal is usually tight-lipped, Harkness’s vague stories about his past are enough to convey the sense that he is from the future, which is where this version of him must be coming from as well.

“Time Agent Javic Thane,” Harkness drawls. “Not that you primitive lot here on Earth know what the Time Agency is. Nor should you know what  _ this  _ is either.” He toes the dead Blowfish with the tip of his brown boot. 

By now, Steele is fully back to thinking with his brain instead of his dick, or so Colchester hopes, and steps forward, forcibly shoving Colchester’s gun down. “I’m Tyler,” he tells Thane, his voice dripping with enough flirtation and innuendo that Colchester cringes. “Tyler Steele.” He nods towards Colchester. “And he’s Colchester.”

“Tyler Steele,” Thane repeats, eyes darkening with interest, and Colchester feels a sudden spike of alarm. “That’s a very  _ characteristic  _ name.”

“It’ll sound better when you scream it,” Steele offers, his smile revealing just enough teeth. 

“As will my name,” Thane replies, “when you’re screaming it.” His leer is somehow  _ worse _ than Harkness’s. Colchester finds himself with an abrupt longing for the immortal. “How about I take you for a ride?”

Steele’s gaze travels down to the bulge in Thane’s trousers, and he smirks for himself now. Colchester wishes to be anywhere but here, with these two lotharios metaphorically circling each other like lions. If he thought Steele and Harkness were bad before, with their thinly-veiled innuendo in the Hub…

“... we may not even make it to a bed,” Steele is now saying, merely inches away from Thane. If they touch, will the world implode? Colchester doesn’t wish to find out. He must stop this. He can’t tolerate this.

Colchester raises his gun again. “I’m doing it for the world, Colin,” he mutters, and neither man takes notice of him. “You’ll forgive me. No one will survive if these two morons end up in bed together.”

He takes the shot, mentally begging Harkness to forgive him. He despises the immortal but not enough to actually kill him in cold blood. Javic Thane is another case.

Perhaps he’ll cause a paradox, perhaps not, but surely nothing can be worse than what is going to occur between Steele and Thane if he does not take action.

The bullet strikes Thane in the chest, because Colchester is an excellent shot, always has been, and his sleazy smirk crumples instantly. His knees buckle and then, like a stone, he drops to the dirty alley floor, bleeding immensely. He dies almost instantly.

As Steele turns to Colchester in alarm and outrage, Colchester takes an easy breath of fresh air. Everything tastes better, newer; the world is at pea-

The alleyway, nay the world, explodes outwards in a flare of golden time, reality shattering, the universe coming to a halt. Without Javic Thane, there is no one to leave the Time Agency and become a con man and join the Doctor. There is no fixed point of time and space, no immortal to be coerced into joining Torchwood. No reason for Torchwood to remain existing at all.

Lying on the ground, Steele collapsed nearby, Colchester can feel his life force draining from him as this universe dies.

“I’m sorry, Colin,” he whispers. “I failed you. I doomed the universe.”

But oh, Colchester would do it a thousand times over if he were ever forced to meet Javic Thane again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr [here](http://princess-of-the-worlds.tumblr.com/) or on Twitter [here](https://twitter.com/rajkumarinik). I tweet and reblog mostly Torchwood with occasionally amusing commentary on nonsense. Please come talk to me and tell me if/how much you like my fic or like ask me about it on tumblr; all my schoolwork has become remote now, and I have limited social interaction.


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